Fun with Fangirls
by Andorus
Summary: Ren. And his very first fangirls. And a rather jealous Tula. I'll...leave it at that. ;o)
1. Enter fangirls, stage left

Rating: G 

Disclaimer: Ren, Ioz, Tula, Niddler, the Wraith, Mer...none of it's mine. *sniffle* The other characters here all belong to me, though (like I'd want 'em *snorts*). 

Author's Notes: I'm bad, I really am. I tried to make myself continue Desperate Times...I'm partway into part 6, but just didn't have the motivation to continue a serious story, so I went silly and wrote this. I have no idea if I'm going to continue it or not...but if I do, I'll be sure to make myself continue Desperate Times as well. ^^;  
Also, the inspiration for this came from when I was watching my Pirates of Dark Water tapes last week...partly from watching "Sister of the Sword," with Ioz's sister Solia blatantly crushing on Ren, and partly from "The Living Treasure," when none of the Amazon-like warriors responded to Ren's 'good looks and charming smile,' and I wondered who would--and how Tula would react to it. ;o) 

Thanks for reading, and may the Force be with you. *bows* :o) 

* * * * *

The Wraith was sailing on a beautiful, nearly cloudless day. The sun sparkled overhead, with the larger of the twin moons peeking over the horizon, creating a truly ethereal atmosphere, and all four members of the Quest were out on the open deck, enjoying the weather. 

"Maybe it's just the weather, but I just have this feeling that we'll strike gold soon," Tula commented, drawing in a deep breath of the crisp sea air and smiling faintly. 

"I hope you're right, woman," Ioz commented, frowning. "It's been too long since we found the 10th Treasure." 

"I have confidence in her feelings," Ren put in, smiling at them. "We'll find it soon." 

Some distance away, a smaller fishing boat was sailing, but the Wraith, with its huge sails, easily caught up to them. Aboard the smaller boat was a family, evidently also taking advantage of the break in the nasty weather to get some fresh air. "Ahoy there!" the father, a tall, wide-shouldered, heavyset man with a beard and a warm glint in his eyes, called out to them. "Enjoyin' the weather as well, I see!" 

"That's for sure!" Ren called back with a laugh. "It's not often you see days like this anymore." He left the side of the boat and went to let down the sails a little bit so they were sailing side to side, returning to half-shout, half-talk with the captain of the neighboring vessel when he finished. "Are you out on a fishing trip?" 

"Nay--'tis a family outing today, with my wife and our daughters," the man replied. "Who might ye be, young man? I'm normally used ter seein' captains a bit older than ye of vessels as fine as yours." 

"Ren, son of Primus and prince of Octopon," he introduced himself. His friends had come over to join in on the chat. "And these are Ioz, Tula, and Niddler." 

"A pleasure meetin' ye all," the man replied, bowing low. "Me, I'm Grath." At that, he turned. "Denra! Bring the girls out!" he called. "I want to introduce 'em to this young captain and his friends." 

A moment later, a slightly plump woman and a tall girl, both in tunics and trousers, emerged onto the main deck, stepping up next to their husband and father, respectively. "This is Denra, me wife, and Jeeri, me eldest daughter," he introduced. The two smiled and curtsied. "Ladies, this is the son of Primus and his friends." 

"The--" Jeeri's eyes had gone wide. "The _Son of Primus?"_ She turned, staring wide-eyed and slack-jawed at the mildly embarrassed prince. "You're the _Son of Primus?"_ she shrieked, and dashed off below decks, with cries of "Girls! You've got to see who's outside!" echoing up. 

Ioz snickered and elbowed Ren. "Popular with the ladies, eh, Ren?" he commented, his grin widening as Ren's cheeks grew pink. 

Tula snorted, harrumphing quietly enough that only Niddler, who was next to her, could overhear. The monkey-bird started chuckling at her reaction. 

By then, the other three daughters had come out, and were all as starry-eyed and gushy as their eldest sister. 

"You're Ren! The totally hot prince of Octopon!" 

"Oh, I've kept up with your quest, Prince Ren, and have _prayed_ for you _every night!"_

"I've been trying to convince Daddy to let us go to _Octopon_ just in case we could _meet_ you!" 

"Oh, I never thought I'd _ever_ get to meet you! I've been _dreaming_ about this for _ages..."_

"All my friends and I are _such_ big _fans_ of you! We talk about you _every day..."_

And a hushed, "Wow...he's even more handsome in person than on the _posters_ of him I have!" 

Tula gagged. _"Posters?"_ she exclaimed. 

The girls ignored her. 

"Yes, such pretty blue eyes..." 

"He looks _exactly_ like what you'd expect a prince to look like!" 

"Oh, Prince Ren, would you please come down? I'd _love_ to get your autograph! My friends would just _die!"_

"Yes! Please come down for some minga-nectar tea! Mommy makes the best minga-nectar tea in the twenty seas!" 

"I wonder what I should get you to autograph? I know! My diary!" 

"Please?" 

The last was said in unison, with gushy grins and puppy-dog eyes and clasped hands and breathless voices. 

A moment of rather stunned silence ensued. However, Ioz and Niddler broke it by bursting into laughter, as Grath and Denra simultaneously started scolding their four lovesick daughters, who weren't listening to a word they were saying. Rather, their eyes were fixed on Ren. 

Ren was uncomfortable on several levels. Firstly, obviously from the _very_ blatant, crushy-obsessive attention the four girls were bestowing upon him. Secondly, from Ioz and Niddler's evident amusement at Ren's new fan club. Thirdly, from the _very_ deep scowl that was on Tula's face. 

"I--uh--er--" Ren managed a sheepish smile. "Just--just one minute, please, okay?" 

"Take all the time you need, Prince Ren!" the youngest one piped up, her voice as dreamy as her eyes. Ren gritted his teeth together in a semblance of a civil look and grabbed Ioz and Tula's arms and yanked them to the other side of the ship, Niddler trailing after them, still chortling. 

"Okay," Ren managed to get out around his clenched jaw, his face still flaming, "guys--_quit it. Now._ Okay?" 

Ioz and Niddler exchanged a sly look. 

"Take all the time you need, Prince Ren!" Niddler mimicked, clasping his hands together and batting his eyes at Ren, exaggerating the girl's coo. That set both of them off again, and only served to deepen Tula's glare. 

Ren gave up on those two and tried to calm her temper. "Tula--look, it isn't my fault they're acting like that," he began helplessly, silently planning on doing _anything_ as long as she'd stop giving him that Look. "They--they're just young girls, okay? And I have no idea how they got crushes on me, or how they got posters of me up in their rooms or wherever they have them, or _how to get them to stop._ So don't take this out on me..." He faltered. "Please?" She lifted her chin, let out a very audible, "Hmph!" and turned her back to him. 

This, of course, set Ioz and Niddler into gales of laughter once again. Ren was desperate. "Tula, come on--what can I do to get you to stop glaring at me?" he demanded, his voice, his eyes, his demeanor _all_ pleading. 

She glanced over her shoulder at him, still frowning, but now with some speculation in her eyes. However, with that speculation was a strange and not entirely comforting glint. Ren suddenly felt his stomach flip-flop. 

Tula turned fully, regarding him silently for a moment, before leaning towards him and whispering something in his ear. 

He straightened up abruptly. "You want me to _what?"_ he gasped, then frowned and shook his head obstinately. "Nuh-uh. _No way."_

"Why not?" she challenged, letting the faintest hint of a smirk cross her lips. "Everybody seems to think it's true..." At that, she jerked a thumb at the audience. "A good portion of the people who watch our show seem to think so." 

Ren's eyes were wary now. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, thinking otherwise, then re-reconsidered. When he spoke, he did so with the utmost caution. "Tula..." He broke off, then forced himself to keep going. "You--aren't doing this because--you have a crush on me, are you?" 

Ioz and Niddler stared at Ren, then stared at Tula (who looked like she'd just been poleaxed), then stared back at Ren (who was now cringing somewhat from the look on Tula's face), and exchanged a stupefied glance, too startled to laugh. 

Suddenly, a high-pitched, breathy, singsong cry of, "Oh, son of Priiiimus, are you there?" broke through the suddenly too-quiet air, making them _all_ jump. 

Ren winced. "Just--for a little while, okay? It won't kill us." 

He hoped, anyway. 

_To be continued...?_


	2. Enter jealous female friend, stage right

Rating: G 

Disclaimer: Ren, Ioz, Tula, Niddler, the Wraith, Mer...none of it's mine. *sniffle* The other characters here all belong to me, though (like I'd want 'em *snorts*). 

Author's Notes: I did write this and part 6 of Desperate Times this weekend (July 27-28, 2002), but my floppy corrupted DT, so I have to try again from home...but it's being continued! Both of these are, I _swear._ ;o) I wrote them while trying to avoid studying for finals this weekend and am starting to think about an actual plot to go with this one. We'll see. O:o) 

Thanks for reading, and may the Force be with you. *bows* :o) 

* * * * *

Not much later, Ren--feeling very uncomfortable from the girls' attentions, Ioz and Niddler's silent amusement, and Tula's seething jealousy--was sitting at the head of a long multipurpose table below the main deck of the fishing vessel that Grath and his family owned. As soon as the burly man had seated the prince there, the girls immediately shoved ahead of the guests and grabbed spots on the benches on that side of the table, focusing their attention completely on them, and ignoring the startled and chagrined scolding from their parents for being so rude. 

"...So I was actually really not wanting to come out today, you know," Jeeri was gushing, "because fishing's just so _boring,_ you know? And we're always around the family at home, so what would be so new about _this,_ you know? But now I'm so glad I decided to come along, since I got to meet you, Prince Ren, you know?" 

Ren stifled a quiet groan. She'd shoved her sisters aside and nearly trampled them to get one of the places right next to him, and he could tell that she was inches away from outright jumping into his lap. 

He wondered how he could start to edge away discreetly enough that they wouldn't get offended or scoot after him. 

Denra had disappeared, evidently to ready some of her minga-nectar tea for their guests. Ioz and Niddler, evil fiends that they were, were distracting Grath from his already-futile attempts at prying his daughters' attention off Ren by striking up a conversation with him. As Grath was at the opposite end of the table, turned to his left to speak to Ioz and Niddler, he was completely oblivious to Tula, who was sitting to his right, a glare reminiscent of the Dark Dweller himself on her face. And it was directed at Ren. 

Ren, meanwhile, was sweating. Not literally--well, a little literally--but he was certainly stewing in his seat, torn between trying to be polite to his new fan club, trying to wrench himself away from their all-too-eager--and hungry, Ren noted with a generous amount of embarrassment, seeing a very blatant longing in Jeeri's eyes--gazes, and glancing helplessly between them and Tula, shooting her desperate glances and asking her to throw him a line and get him out of this mess. But of course, she wasn't budging. 

Ren finally gave up, shot her a point-blank glare, and rolled his eyes at her. Her eyes widened, as he completely caught her off-guard, and he felt a little stab of satisfaction at her startled and almost guilty expression. _Hah,_ he thought, smirking silently. 

One of the girls was trying to get his attention--and she looked rather embarrassed, but a bit eager as well. He steeled himself for her question, hoping it wouldn't be as terribly awkward as some of the other ones they'd asked were. 

"Um--begging my pardon for asking this, Prince Son-of-Primus--" He winced openly. "But--do you--you know--have a girlfriend?" 

The word _girlfriend_ jarred everybody from their other distractions and brought their attention back to Ren and his groupies. 

Ren flushed, considered his options, and then sighed, realizing that he honestly had no other choice if he wanted to get out of this. 

"Er--yes," he replied, swallowing, and looked over at Tula, who was watching him impassively now, the glare conveniently gone. "Tula's my--er--girlfriend." 

He caught the faintest bit of smug satisfaction on her face before she took on a properly demure look. (He was _refusing_ to look at Ioz and Niddler, but he could feel their gazes boring into the side of his head.) 

Tula smiled pleasantly at the shocked looks on the girls' faces (though Ren was almost positive he noticed the faintest tinge of a sneer below her innocent demeanor), and stood from her place and came over to Ren, and gestured for him to scoot over on his bench, which he did. She then sat down next to him, her leg brushing against his due to the small size of the bench, and wrapped her arms around him, nestling her head on his shoulder and ignoring his startled exclamation. 

"And we're very happy together," she added, smiling cheerfully at the lot of them. 

Silence. 

Then Denra re-entered, carrying a tray of tall cups with a thin, orangey-gold liquid in them. "Anybody up for some tea?" she announced, cheerfully oblivious, sliding in between Niddler and one of the sisters to place the tray down at the center of the table. 

The sister she brushed against--the youngest--suddenly choked back a sob, rose from the table, and went dashing into the back room. 

Ren winced, feeling a pang of regret, and then looked at the other three sisters, who were sitting back, stony-faced. 

"Oh," the younger one who asked the question finally replied, flatly. "I see how it is." 

"That's right," Jeeri replied, her eyes flashing. "You _led us on."_

"I _what?"_ Ren blurted, totally taken by surprise. "Look, you all just--" 

"You were flirting with us! You acted like you _liked_ us!" she burst out. "You _lied_ to us." Her lower lip started to tremble. _"How could you?"_

Ren exhaled sharply. "Okay, look, let me explain--" he began, but she cut him off again. 

"No," she replied sharply. "I can see through you now. You're a--a--_chump."_

Ren opened and closed his mouth, unable to think of anything to say to that, and before he could collect his thoughts, the rest of the sisters stood and hurried from the room. 

Silence once again. Ren broke it this time, though--he'd had enough. 

"This is all your fault," Ren burst out angrily at Tula. "Look at what you made me do!" 

She finally disentangled herself from around him. "Hey, it was your choice!" she shot back heatedly. "I gave you a way out--it's not my fault you used it!" 

"Um--" Niddler's meek voice made both of them whip their heads around, and he nearly ducked behind Ioz to hide from their glowering stares. "What just happened?" he ventured. 

Ren sighed, and stood, moving to the opposite side of the table from Tula so he could glare at her properly. "She--on the Wraith, she told me I could tell the girls that she was my girlfriend, and she would play along," he explained coldly. "I just didn't think she'd rub it in _so much."_

"Well, I didn't think he'd be such a baby about it and keep leading them on like he did!" she retorted, matching him glare for glare. 

His jaw dropped. "I led them on?" he repeated, stupefied. "Tula, I did no such thing! I was being polite! I was being _chivalrous!_ I was doing everything in my power to _not_ hurt their feelings, and _you ruined it!_ Look, if you have a crush on me, then you could've just told me--you didn't have to offend four innocent girls in the process!" 

Tula blushed, her glare deepened, and she turned and flounced from the room in a huff. 

Ren sank down at the bench next to Niddler and sighed deeply, burying his flaming face in his hands. Only then did he think to see how the parents were reacting, and he glanced cautiously up at them. 

They were exchanging an unreadable look. Then, much to their surprise, the mother sat down next to Ren and placed her hand on his shoulder. "We probably should have warned you," she replied resignedly. "They do this to every boy they like, and nothing we say can change their ways. I guess they've just latched onto you. They're hot and cold—if you're at all nice, they'll latch on like sea leeches. If you brush them off, you're--er--" 

"A chump?" Ren replied weakly. She let out a dismayed chuckle and nodded. 

"Poor, poor boy," Grath remarked sadly, shaking his head. "I should have recognized you--it's a recent thing, the past few weeks, but I thought it would pass." He then shot Ren an amused but sympathetic look. "Maybe now it will?" 

He groaned, silently muttering curses to himself, and shoved away from the table and stood. "Maybe I should go apologize to them," he suggested. 

"You can try," Grath replied with a weary sigh. "It's not a large boat, not as large as yours, but there's a bedroom aft. They'll probably be there." 

_To be continued..._


End file.
